


Table-Top Bonding

by supercali_expiali



Category: Justice League (2017), Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Barry and Vic bonding over millennial nonsense, Crack Treated Seriously, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, Gen, Gratuitous Use Of Memes, Screenplay/Script Format, is Vic gen z
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 16:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18705976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali_expiali/pseuds/supercali_expiali
Summary: It's Barry's turn to pick the League bonding activity.





	Table-Top Bonding

` INT. BATCAVE - NIGHT  `

 

` The newly founded Justice League gathers around a table. Each has assorted beverages and homemade snacks in front of them. DIANA PRINCE is the last to arrive and sits to ARTHUR CURRY’S right. BARRY ALLEN has an elaborate folder wall in front of him. They are dressed casually and look uncomfortable with it.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

`  (bouncing in his chair with excitement) `

`Guys, this is so cool. It’s like I’m eleven and`  
`hanging in my BFF Johnny’s basement again. Except,`  
`like, the Batcave is obviously infinitely cooler. `

 

` BRUCE WAYNE appears unsettled and takes a long drink from the coffee mug in his hand. He takes his coffee black, with all of the sugar. `

 

`                  BRUCE `

` It’s not called the ‘Batcave’. `

 

`                  BARRY `

`You’re missing an excellent branding opportunity, `  
`Bats. What do you call it? Your ‘Super Secret`  
`Basement Lair?? That’s dumb. Batcave is new, fresh, hip. `

 

 `                 ARTHUR `

` I’m regretting ‘Team Bonding Night’ already.  `

 

` Diana discreetly kicks him under the table.  `

 

`               ARTHUR (CONT’D) `

`               (wincing) `

` Yay. Team bonding.  `

 

` Barry clears his throat and glares around the table. Arthur and Bruce continue drinking. Only Diana and VICTOR STONE give Barry their full attention. CLARK KENT raises a hand tentatively.  `

 

`                  CLARK `

` Quick question, Barry, how is this team bonding  
exactly?  `

 

`                  BARRY  `

`          (sputtering, beyond offended) `

`Clark. ClarkClarkClarkClark. CLARK. Buddy. Pal. `  
`Cherished friend and co-worker. Dungeons and`  
`Dragons is a game that thrives on cooperation and`  
`teamwork! No amount of trust falls could ever`  
`HOPE to match the bonds of friendship forged`  
t`hrough battle! `

 

`                  ARTHUR `

` We’ve already fought together. You know. In  
real life. `

 

`                  CLARK `

` Arthur, do you feel our bond of friendship has  
been sufficiently forged? `

 

`                  ARTHUR `

`                (smirking) `

` Super forged. Practically family. Couldn’t  
live without you. `

 

`                  CLARK `

` Well, there you have it. `

 

`                  BARRY `

`        (rapidly interrupting further discussion) `

`Okay, you’re all the Worst. Also it’s my week`  
`to choose the bonding activity and Bruce says`  
`you have to participate. `

 

` Barry’s posture and expression are akin to that one Cardi B meme. Bruce seems to be having second thoughts, but nods reluctantly.  `

 

`                  BRUCE `

` It’s true. My Super Secret Basement Lair, my rules. `

 

`                  BARRY `

`    Now you’re just being mean. `

 

`                  VICTOR `

`Well, I am PUMPED for this. DnD was like the best`  
`part of Stranger Things. This is gonna be Awesome.`  
`Do we get to make our characters or something? `

 

` Barry gets out several sheets of paper - just a little faster than humanly possible - and hands them out to the League. They stare at the sheets with expressions of varying degrees of mistrust.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

`Glad you asked, Vic! I took the liberty of drawing `  
`up some character sheets for you just to get the`  
`ball rolling but feel free to really flesh out`  
`the background, ya know. Become one with your`  
`character. It’s more fun when you get into the`  
`roleplay. `

 

`                  ARTHUR  `

`              (predictably) `

` Hah. Kinky.  `

 

` Barry rounds on Arthur. A devilish glint to his eyes. Tight zoom. Kill Bill Sirens start playing. It becomes clear he put far too much effort into these character sheets. With dastardly intentions, no doubt.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

`                (manically) `

`Arthur. You are Winifred Shrubdweller, Half-Orc `  
`Ranger from the Northern Drylands. Abandoned by`  
`his parents as a baby due to his unusual ugliness,`  
`he was raised by a kind gnome family who always`  
`treated him as one of their own despite his enormous`  
`Half-Orc body and general hideousness.`  
`You are a surprisingly good singer. `

 

`                  ARTHUR `

` I quit.  `

 

`                  BRUCE `

` I think you’re onto something with this team bonding  
exercise, Barry. I feel closer already.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

` Good, ‘cause you’re next. `

 

` Barry peers over his folders to stare at Bruce, his eyes wide with glee. Bruce raises an eyebrow and crooks his fingers in the universal gesture for ‘Bring it on.’  `

 

`              BARRY (CONT’D) `

`Bruce. You are Freedom Drekosi, Tiefling Warlock`  
`from the city of Nebraxa. You were the middle of`  
`five children in your family and were the only`  
`one born without natural magical abilities. So you`  
`sold your soul to the demon Bilibee for the magic`  
`you feel is your birthright. You’re also illiterate. `

 

`                  BRUCE `

` Do you take constructive criticism? `

 

`                  BARRY `

` Not today, Satan.  `

 

` Bruce rolls his eyes, but pensively looks over his character sheet, probably committing it to memory. Diana raises a hand.  `

 

`                  DIANA `

` I do not understand what these numbers mean.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

`Gimme one sec, Diana, I’ll get to that. You will`  
`be Thasia Galinde, a young Elf Druid, venturing`  
`beyond your forest village for the first time in your`  
`life. You are a bit naive and are too trusting of`  
`strangers, but you conceal a dark secret that threatens`  
`the safety of everyone who comes in contact with you.`  
`You are gullible and enjoy a good card trick. `

 

`                  DIANA `

` But none of this is true.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

` Well, it’s all made up, Di. It’s a game. So. That’s  
how games work?  `

 

` Diana looks unconvinced. Victor, on the other hand, looks giddy. He and Barry feed off each other’s energy. `

  


`                  BARRY `

` Vic, you are Lamorak the Bold, Human Paladin. `

 

`                  VICTOR `

`                 (breathily) `

` Sick name.  `

 

`                  BARRY  `

`                (squealing) `

` I know, right?! `

 

` Bruce pointedly clears his throat and Barry, sheepish, continues in a more professional tone. `

 

`              BARRY (CONT’D) `

`Ahem-hem. As I was saying, a human paladin from `  
`the Great North. You’re old and wizened, but`  
`are still filled with wanderlust, forever searching`  
`for divine signs from Juul, the god of smoke without fire.`  
`You once knew love, long ago, but your sweetheart`  
`was the betrothed of the Crown Prince of your land.`  
`Though she has passed, you have dedicated yourself`  
`to the protection of her children, the current royal`  
`family. `

``

 

`                  VICTOR `

` Bro, that’s beautiful. `

 

`                  BARRY `

` Bro, YOU’RE beautiful. `

 

`                  VICTOR  `

`              (fighting back tears) `

_` _Bro._ ` _

 

`                  DIANA `

` I think I should be a paladin. I am a more experienced  
warrior than Victor.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

`Well, that’s the point. It’s pure escapism, you can be`  
`anything or anyone. So why not be someone completely`  
`different?`

 

` Diana considers this for a moment, then nods.  `

 

`                  DIANA `

` I can see the appeal.  `

 

`                  BARRY `

` Coolcoolcool. `

 

` Barry turns lastly to Clark. He scratches the back of his head sheepishly.  `

 

`                  BARRY (CONT’D) `

`Supes. I’m gonna be real with you, I ran out of `  
`time with your sheet so I randomly generated your`  
`backstory. You’re an intrepid halfling bard`  
`from a remote dairy farm who saw your father die`  
`tragically in front of you. Your name is`  
`Gary Goobington. `

 

`                  CLARK `

` A bard, as in… `

 

`                  BARRY `

`You sing and play the harmonica and inspire people  
and stuff. `

 

`                  CLARK `

`                 (dryly) `

` The harmonica.  `

 

`                  BARRY  `

` Yeah. You’ll do great! Now, please read the information`  
`I’ve provided on the rules, how to play, your abilities,`  
`etc. and let’s get this trainwreck started! Welcome,`  
`travellers, to the Land of Agraewyr! `

 

` INT. BATCAVE - NIGHT, TWO HOURS LATER `

 

` BARRY `

` Y’all. We have to leave the tavern eventually.  `

 

`                  ARTHUR  `

`             (as WINIFRED SHRUBDWELLER) `

` This Barbarian Orc insulted my Gnomish heritage. He  
must die. `

 

`                  CLARK `

`               (like a petty ho) `

` And I’m inspiring him through the power of song.  `

 

` Clark begins making terrible harmonica noises. Arthur lends his deep baritone to the song. He is a surprisingly good singer.  `

**Author's Note:**

> lol y'all I haven't actually watched the new Justice League movie yet so the characterizations are mostly headcanon and heavily based on DCAU Justice League and the other DCEU movies I've seen. And the trailer for the movie. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this entirely self-indulgent bit of nonsense <3  
> (also the formatting might be funky, whoops I tried)


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